Addictions, Obsessions and YOU

If you aren’t sure if you have an addiction or obsession to something (anything really), you just need to ask yourself a few questions.  Addictions can happen to anyone and the addiction can be to anything, for example drugs, drinking, smoking, gaming, gambling, shopping, etc.

  1. If you are out with friends, but you are thinking about getting home so you can indulge in your addiction, you have an addiction.
  2. In addition, you may notice that you may have angry outbursts and are more volatile or unpredictable, when you are separated from the source of the addition.
  3. You may be inattentive and not follow through on assignments or obligations on time or at all.
  4. You may feel melancholy (sad), lack of motivation and depressed.
  5. You may be unlikely to admit that what you are addicted to is a problem at all.
  6. If others mention to you that they believe you have a problem with addiction, but you overly object or deny that there is any issue, it’s a problem.
  7. If you have a decreased ability or interest in forming meaningful connections with others; and find yourself limiting your social sphere to others who have the same addiction.
  8. You may be sacrificing time spent in meaningful, life enriching activities in order to engage in addictive behaviors. Meaningful, life-enriching activities are of two basic types: 1) Love: time spent in relationships with others, and 2) Work/School: time spent being productive including employment, learning, working on personal projects, volunteering, and helping others. Time is a limited resource. When time is increasingly spent pursuing an addiction, it limits the amount of time available to devote to these two basic human activities.

As an addicted person, you may gradually lose your moral compass, you may begin to disrespect the rights and needs of other people. You may even mistreat the people that matter to you the most. This begins by failing to meet certain responsibilities, commitments, or obligations. Examples of these failures might be: failing to show up for things; becoming dishonest by failing to disclose information; or making excuses rather than making a sincere apology. This type of disregard will evolve into more obvious forms of disrespect and mistreatment as addiction progresses. This progression might include flat-out lying and deception; stealing from loved ones; and threatening these same people if their demands are not met. You may start to experience feelings of guilt and self-loathing as you break your own moral code. 

It does not matter what you may be addicted to, whether is it drugs, food, smoking, gaming, gambling, etc. It is the addiction itself, the fact that it runs your life, that is harmful to you.  Although some addictions cause physical harm, other can cause you emotional harm.  When an addiction controls your life, it is harmful to you.  Most addicts will say that they can stop whenever they want, which is one of the first lies an addict will tell.  You may believe you can stop “anytime you want”, but you will say that you don’t want to stop.   In reality, you cannot stop.  That is what addiction is.

Your question could be, is your life better with “it” or without “it”? Does that which you obsess over, help you to be the best you that you can be? Only you can answer that.    KJ @ KJ-isms

Being the Best Me

I try to be the best me, every day.  I don’t always succeed.  I haven’t always succeeded in the past.   I always try.  I don’t get it right all the time and probably get it wrong more often than I even know.   I always try.

It’s the little things you do that add up to big things.  

Just a few of the simple ways I try to be the best me.

I try to promote and cheer on others who are trying to be their best.  When I go out to eat, I buy other’s lunches/dinners (anonymously of course).   When I get change at a store, I leave the change outside (somewhere near the door) so others who could use it more will find it.   I smile at people that I encounter in my daily life.   Driving in my car, I try to remember that everyone on the road is trying to get somewhere, too.  I don’t get impatient when others are trying to get there first or faster.   I will hold the door for anyone coming in behind me.   When I read a book that I love and think that others might enjoy it too, I buy extra copies to give away. I say thank you, when someone does something kind for me.

Little things, I know.  But again, little things add up to the big things.

Appreciate, smile, say thank you, give others a pass, you never know what is happening in their life.

There will always be people in the world that seem to have it better than you.  There will always be people in the world that seem to have it worse than you, too.  Believe me, this is the same for everyone, not just you or me.   Given the opportunity to walk in anyone else’s shoes, you will quickly find that your own shoes fit you best.

Be grateful for who you are, what you are, where you are in life and the gifts you can share with others.  

I’ve said it before, giving to others is the best gift we can give to ourselves.   KJ @ KJ-isms

 

 

 

It's ok to be sad, right?

Sometimes, I think I am the strongest person and the weakest person I know.   It's ok to be sad, right?

It can be really hard not being a social person.   Sitting here, I realize that most of my life the "social" part was forced.   Not that I had to force it, just that I was social because I was working.  That in itself causes a person to be somewhat social.  Now, that I am retired and no work life, social has pretty much gone out the window.  I've had to admit to myself that I am not, naturally a social being.  Being a widow means that I spend a lot of my hours alone. Life sure can throw curve balls sometimes. Too much time to think, perhaps.  Even though I have a lot of family, it is not the same as having that life partner who shares your everything.  That someone who listens to you because they love you and you don't have to be that strong person when you don't feel it.  Because they are there to lean on.  I don't think that we were meant to be alone.  But sadly, sometimes being alone is the only option.

Life isn't always good, even when, to all outward appearances, one's life doesn't have many problems.   Not that I want any problems, but a problem free life doesn't mean it's always a happy life or that one is happy in the moment.  I do spend some time on social media.   Not that I would call that being social, but it seems to be the way people connect these days.  For all the people on social media, even it can feel like a lonely place.

It's ok to cry, we all do at times.  Well, I do anyway.  And I just need to convince myself that I am fine.

I just feel guilty for feeling sad or feeling sorry for myself.  Most the time, I am a fairly positive and upbeat person.  That's probably why I beat myself up when I feel that I am being neither of those (even if it's only briefly).   I guess we are all hardest on ourselves.  

For most of my life, I've been the strong person for others.  The shoulder, the comforter, the sounding board, the listening ear and the one to cheer them up and onward.  It's probably why I find it very difficult to ask anyone for anything.  If I am so good at that for others, it seems I should be able to do the same for myself.

I know I will figure it all out and tomorrow I'll be fine.  But, for today I just want to feel my sadness and cry.

The bottom line is that it is ok to be unhappy.  It is ok to cry and it is ok to be sad.  And it is ok to say it, too.  Because tomorrow is a new day and things will look brighter.  But tonight just feels cloudy and cold.

So if you are sad, unhappy or just lonely... I want you to know, I am right there with you.  

 

 

Opinions are like...

There are a lot of opinions out there. It seems the internet and social media has brought many of those opinions out in the open. But honestly, not one opinion is more important than your own. That’s right. Your opinion is the most valuable, because it’s your opinion that you act upon.

Not celebrity, not wealth, not notoriety makes an opinion more valid or true. It is only valid and true, if it is your opinion. Even if you agree with what another has to say, it’s more likely than not, that you probably don’t agree with everything that person says.

We are unique, with unique thoughts. That’s what makes us all awesome. Now more than any other time in history, we have the platform to voice our own opinion. Speak up, let your voice be heard!  KJ @ KJ-isms

Old songs, new lessons

   Listening to old songs.  Songs that shaped my teen years, but did I ever really hear what those song said?  Do lessons only get learned when it appears it's too late?

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone

  That is how moments go.  They are here and gone in a blink of an eye. What did you do in that moment?

All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity

  Dreams.  Those illusive images that drift through our sleeping minds…

Dust in the wind

All they are is dust in the wind

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea

  Songs, words and thoughts that have all been sung before, all have been said before and all have been thought before…  and will forever more…

All we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind

All we are is dust in the wind

   History.  Does it really teach us?  Do we really listen and do we really learn?  

Oh, ho, ho

Now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

It slips away

And all your money won't another minute buy

  You can gather all the riches of this world, but those riches will be left behind when you go. And as the song goes, all those riches won’t buy you one more minute here.

Everything is dust in the wind

The wind

   All we leave behind, crumbles to the ground, except one thing.   Love.   Love stays.  If you have to leave anything behind, leave love everywhere you go. 

 

Songwriters: Kerry Livgren / Kerry A Livgren

Dust in the Wind lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Good guy, Bad guy

While reading Zero Dean's book, “Lessons Learned from The Path Less Traveled”, I had an epiphany! Sometimes we are the good guy and sometimes we are the bad guy.
 
And it’s ok.
 
There are a lot of lessons in life that come out of bad experiences or situations. I’ve even heard it said that we will learn the most from our bad experiences. So, was the person who took credit for someone else’s work a “bad” guy? Or was he an angel doing the job of pushing that person to make a change? Only the person experiencing that can truly answer.
 
I will go out on a limb and say he was a good guy. There are times in life when we get nudges, instincts or gut feelings (if you will) and we ignore them. I do believe that we all have a “guardian angel” or higher power that will try to help us find and stay on our chosen life path. When we ignore those nudges and gut feelings, we need more than a nudge. We need a shove! That guy, taking credit for another’s work, may have appeared (at the time) to be someone bad, but he also might have been the shove one needed.
 
What’s happening in one’s life, whether perceived as “good” or “bad”, is all in how you look at it. And sometimes we can only see clearly when we are looking in the rear view mirror.  KJ @ KJ-isms
 
 
For information on the book mentioned, click the link below!
 

Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to tolerance. Tolerance leads to acceptance.  KJ 

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